Catherine, Your time's up

 CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP

 

CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP 

BY

SKEVI PHILIPPOU

 

ACT I      SCENE 1

 

A PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE – TWO WHITE ARM CHAIRS FACE EACHOTHER – CATHERINE (THE PATIENT) SITS IN ONE AND DOCTOR HOLLOWAY IN THE OTHER – THE AREA TO THE LEFT OF CATHERINE IS UNLIT AND DARKENED FROM VIEW

 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  So Catherine, how are we feeling today?

 

CATHERINE Well um, I'm fine, just fine. I've had a very productive day. Very happy to be on time for an office meeting this morning at 8.30. Almost didn't make it thanks to a little someones indecisiveness in choosing what dress to wear - then insisting on stopping by Starbucks for a tall mocha skinny latte...

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY But Catherine, you are always so prepared and punctual, what caused these indecisive feelings?

 

(Light comes on from the darkened area to the left of CATHERINE to reveal an identical white chair next to hers, with KATERINA sitting crossed legged in it.)

 

KATERINA Punctual, predictable and boring!

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, is that Katerina talking?

 

CATHERINE Katerina, yes. You recognize her, good, thats good, I don't want you to think its me being so brash. You remember that I am Greek, third generation London born. But fully Greek nevertheless, Katerina, my “alter-ego” as you have called her, came out last year and has been so frightfully hard to get rid of.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Yes Catherine, remind me, what do you believe caused Katerina to appear? And why is it so very hard for you to “Banish” Katerina from your life?

 

KATERINA I'm here because shes turned into a sulking pussy, thats why, no balls.

 

CATHERINE Doctor, I am no longer speaking with Katerina. Shes rude, crude, insensitive, promiscuous and immoral. I am no longer that person. To answer your question doctor, she appeared while I was on a trip in Greece for a family wedding.

 

KATERINA Our younger cousins wedding, all the children in the family are married and popping out babies of their own. But you remain on the shelf, an old maid! Even our lesbian Anna found herself a man and had some twins!

 

CATHERINE Don't call her that! Shes never admitted so such a thing. She is merely a little on the heavy side,a little blocky thats all. 

KATERINA Blokey you mean...

 

CATHERINE Just because she has a buzz cut, twelve miscellaneous tattoos and chooses to dance only to trance music – it does not make her (WHISPERS) gay.

 

KATERINA Dyke, dyke, dyke! Why is it so hard to admit? It isn't a bad thing. Still it doesn't matter to the family, do you know why? Shes married! We turn a blind eye to the fact that her “husband” is an effeminate hairdresser that shakes his hips better than Shakira... After all she had children, named them Stavros and Maria after her parents, mission complete, now she can privately revel in dyke heaven!

 

CATHERINE My fault doctor, my fault... I spoke to her, I should not stoop to her level. She always brings out the worst in me. But for the record, I have been proposed to, I respectfully declined; he was not the right man for me.

 

KATERINA He was over eighteen and under sixty-five – he had a job, was Greek, a god boy, still lived with his parents and was willing to get you impregnated, what else did you want?

 

CATHERINE You sound like mother. Thats insane, he needed a caretaker not a partner. I had to ask him on the first date, was roped into going to Sunday mass with his mother by the third date and by the fifth date, he graciously presented me with his soiled underwear to wash for him. I was out of the relationship right there and then.

 

KATERINA You outed yourself a lot sooner than that, thats for sure.

 

CATHERINE I am not falling for that bait Doctor. No, I am not.

 

KATERINA Tell her!

 

CATHERINE No – theres nothing to tell

 

KATERINA Tell her – tell her prude one. Tell her who you once were. God, when did you become such a sleep inducing bore? Remember when you used to have fun? Used to be fun? Had a personality with humour? Before this perfect plastic Barbie act?! Tell her, what harm could it do? Shes professionally bound to silence. Go on... Tell the good doctor about your muff-munching past...

 

CATHERINE No, no no, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. See this is what happens when I talk to you, you get out of control, I wont speak to you, I wont!

 

KATERINA Stop acting like a spoiled five year old child. So you should talk to me, theres nothing better than having a heart to heart with yourself. You are so tightly closed, so very... Closeted... You have become so distant that I have begun to hear the voice of my own “alter-ego”, who is equally pissed off with you.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY This banter between you and Katerina... I feel there is something you want to tell me Catherine – something nagging away at you, that you want  to get out?

(DOCTOR HOLLOWAY looks beneath her glasses and waits for CATHERINE to react to her question – which is met by frozen silence.)

 

 Don't be afraid of fear – release your mind – its perfectly safe.

 

CATHERINE Well... firstly understand that I went through a lot of change, since my teen years. I had very different yet very definite ideas of who I was at different stages of my life. Back when I was much younger – How it happened was so silly really. But I somehow got involved with a woman.

 

KATERINA Several women...

 

CATHERINE No, no, they were just close friends.

 

KATERINA Friends with benefits.

 

CATHERINE Nothing happened but emotionally we were very close.

 

KATERINA You mean you had a special bond?

 

CATHERINE Yes thats it.

 

KATERINA Bullshit –  Who do you think your talking to? You cant continue to lie to yourself Catherine, you ate more pussy in those years than all of your “boyfriends” ever have combined.

 

CATHERINE That isn't the issue, it also isn't true, but the fact that my preferences and personal perceptions of who I am change so often isn't easy.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, lets create a time-line to better understand your changes. Tell me, who was Catherine when she was five years old?

 

CATHERINE I was quiet, meek, intelligent but shy. I played alone in my playroom and spent hours in my imaginary world, I was content.

 

 

(KATERINA watches CATHERINE speak with a sad expression.)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And who was Catherine at ten years old?

 

CATHERINE The chubby child, not so shy anymore, quite aggressive at times, just moving about day to day without any idea what I wanted from life, only that I wanted to play video games all day.

 

KATERINA That is when our father left.

 

CATHERINE It was a very lonely and confusing time.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Clears throat before she speaks) And at the dawn of adolescence? When Catherine the child ceased to be, and Catherine with the first adult desires appeared. Who was Catherine then?

 

CATHERINE Funnily enough I had always had... Adult desires... Maybe not in a truly sexual way, but the idea of sex and sexuality was always very interesting.

 

KATERINA Tell her...

CATHERINE Firstly let me say that I had always had an interest in boys. However at thirteen, I quite suddenly came to the realization one day that I... I found women sexually attractive. That I desired women.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you handle that realization?

 

CATHERINE Quite well really... I never liked to deny myself anything I wanted.

 

KATERINA No, usually others would deny you the pleasure...

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you identify yourself then?

 

CATHERINE It was obvious to me, I was a (whispers) lesbian... Although I always prefered the term, (whispers) gay.

 

KATERINA And how Catherine, do you have trouble saying these words? Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual, SEX, penis, dick, cock, cun..

 

CATHERINE STOP right there Katerina!

 

(KATERINA sticks her tongue out and mocks CATHERINE)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thank you Katerina but I feel its best I ask the questions.

 

KATERINA I am only trying to help, believe me I want this resolved more than anyone. Arguing with her is like trying to catch a dead fish, the baits all out but she has already chocked on her own waste. 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, at the very first stages of adulthood, was the idea of your sexually that you held in your teen years, still running true in your twenties?

 

CATHERINE Well by the time I was nineteen, I was certain I was bi...bisexual, but there was a long time before that... Between thirteen and nineteen, that I felt like I was someone completely different. (CATHERINE PAUSES) I don't want to talk about this anymore, please lets move on.

 

KATERINA I knew you couldn't go through with it! You get so close to releasing your fears and you stop at the most important part. You suck....

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thats OK Catherine, you did very well today, we can continue this at a future date.

 

(CATHERINE smiles as she sits up straight, with her neatly placed hands side by side on her lap.)

 

KATERINA Oh of course the doctor doesn't mind, shes hoping we will be a life long client, we are probably funding her children's college tuitions.

 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Now Katerina, you know that my clients are of first concern to me, money isn't the object within these walls – helping people is. Katerina, tell me what you would like to see resolved in the next few sessions?

KATERINA I would like you to look at me when I speak to you for one. I feel like the ventriloquist and Catherine is the dummy who everyone looks at. If her high holiness, Catherine doesn't tell you what she truly wants to say, then I will.

 

CATHERINE Shut up Katerina! Ive really had enough of you, theres a reason why I suppressed you for so long, you think you're helpful, you THINK you're smart and know best, but all you know is second hand knowledge of a person I once was and now have grown out of. You are an out of date, inferior version of me and I wish you would just shut up and go away.

 

(KATERINA'S jaw drops. Offended she sits low on her chair and huffs and sighs. Sitting even lower on her chair she begins to fan herself and pulls her dress up a little. CATHERINE starts to look at her as she attempts to speak to DOCTOR HOLLOWAY. KATERINA mouths silently “Its hot” then she lifts her dress higher and higher, then too high. CATHERINE gets mad and quickly slaps KATERINA on her thigh. Both KATERINA and CATHERINE feel the pain and cry out in unison – each holding their leg.)

 

KATERINA You know what? I will NOT shut up. Do you know what drove you this crazy? Because you ARE crazy Catherine, thats what happens when people suppress instead of letting GO. Now you're busy hiding in your meaningless, boring, menial, faceless desk-job. You wear your gray suits to go with your graying hair, which you tie up tight – because you think the shine of the hairspray will cover the ever-increasing white hairs.

  The office has killed your mind and strangled your soul - your boss, the fat balding pig, slices away at your dreams every single minute of your nine hour workday – five days a week. Prisoners get more intellectual stimulation watching the Open University in their plush cells than you do stamping documents and handling pointless consumer queries one after the other. You want to speak out, you want to stand up – point out all of the fucking bullshit you see five out of seven days in your week. I feel it too, your pulse increases, your blood boils, your heart palpitates and your mind speeds and stews with anger and rage but instead of letting it all out, you simply implode. All that energy, that zest gets sucked in, tighter and further up your arse until a black hole is formed and sucks your entire being through its vortex. We both feel it, every time someone says “Oh your such a pretty girl, why aren't you married yet?” your eyes flutter and your nerves crack just that little bit more. Then instead of answering with a big FUCK YOU, you pull me back by the hair and gag me until the moment is lost.

Getting married isn't everything but that said, it could do you a lot of good... Take a look at the good doctor here, look closely, shes no prize by any standards. Shes heavy-set, close eyed and that mole... Look at that mole! But she stepped up and grabbed life by the balls! Look at that glorious ring on her finger. Any children doctor?

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Sat with mouth open in shock before answering nervously) Well yes, two...

 

KATERINA See even with that mole she managed to have not one but TWO children. Our grandmother had a mole like that, do you remember? Big and hairy like a black grape that had fallen at the back of the fridge and turned into a furry, shriveled raisin.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  I was advised against getting it removed, it is quite unnecessary.

 

KATERINA Oh no, its necessary, believe me. Anyway enough about you, do you usually waste patients time analyzing your own neurosis? We need to “fix” Catherine here, let me list what is wrong with her. Number 1, shes a vegetarian, we all know what that does to the brain, no meat in her mouth; meat being a euphemism for cock, leading us to understand she has lesbian tenancies, which is fine as long as she admits it. Buts its okay I'm fixing that. When Catherine fell asleep on the sofa, like a baby, I went and made a delicious hot haloumi and beef sandwich.

 

CATHERINE Oh my God! You better be joking – you couldn't have done this to me?!

 

KATERINA Joking? you should thank me for putting some muscle on that bony “body” of yours. Always trying to look like an English girl. When are you going to realize that your fat Mediterranean arse is never going to look like that of Kate Moss in those impossibly tight CK jeans you've been hoping to fit into for the past two years.

 

CATHERINE Is that why I was sick that day?! Because you fed me meat?! I haven't eaten meat for sixteen years oh my God!

 

KATERINA Tut tut, I'm still speaking, weakling. Number 2, shes indecisive – She usually blames that on me, but as you can tell by her ability to slip in and out of sexual orientations or gender identity – which we will leave to a later session, and I am sure we will have many more sessions. She cant fucking make up her mind! Number 3, as Catherine mentioned, I had to break out from her dying personality before it vanished forever, just in time to remind her of what she already knows deep down inside. That the problem isn't the fact that every female in our family is getting married – even auntie Androulla got married this year, and doctor do you know what her Chinese Zodiac sign is?

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY I ugh, wouldn't know

 

CATHERINE I think you've said enough Katerina

 

KATERINA Your kidding? I'm just getting warmed up. Her Chinese Zodiac sign, Doctor,  is a water dog – and believe me thats no idiom, shes a dog in ever sense of the word. But that isn't the problem, your not envious at everyone else living happily ever after, while you sit and ponder your fate! Your problem is that you really don't want to get married – not to a man at least. But our family – traditional and minimally educated, are set straight – straight being the operative word here, on life as follows: Birth – school – marriage – children – grandchildren – bonus points for great-grandchildren - die. But you, are scared stiff of such an arrangement – You...

 

CATHERINE I am not scared stiff, I just find it a little unnerving, probably because I haven't met the right person yet.

 

KATERINA No, we mustn't fool ourselves, you and I know the truth. You will never be ready for marriage – unless you are taking a bride. And the feeling that society doesn't readily except that, enrages you, confuses you and keeps from you allowing yourself what you really want. Which makes you very grumpy, you should know that you get into terrible moods.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Very good Katerina. Catherine how do you believe your family would take the news of your homosexuality?

 

CATHERINE I am not a homosexual, I am a bisexual and I have never had a problem with that. Theres other issues that are causing my... depression. I don't see a good outcome of me confessing my private life to my family.

 

KATERINA I am not done on listing your faults Catherine – number 4, you have grown a tendency to stray away from any confrontations or responsibilities. Thats why you have extracted the fabulous moi. You believe that by creating a second “Catherine” that all of the things you wished you said and done would be out in the open for all to witness but none of the responsibility would be yours. The funny thing is, no one has witnessed me, not one person other than the Doctor knows that I exist – even more secrets to cram into your already closeted world. I love you Catherine, and self love is the best kind of medicine. I challenge you to deny any of what I have said, try it. 

 

CATHERINE Your right, your absolutely right. I am all these things you said and I confess to all the faults you have listed. I have become a coward and dull and indecisive. The cracks did begin to show because of the families constant pressure and I do need you Katerina, you are my soul. I couldn't imagine continuing without you. I may be all the things you hate, but I know you love this side of “us”. We are a perfect balance; I just have to let you speak more often, I see that now. Not that your kind of language is always appropriate, but sometimes, you know... It sort of is...

I am ready, now I am ready to open up about something that I have kept inside of me for fifteen years. What I am about to say, is the hardest thing in the world for me, but I know now is the time.

 

KATERINA Thats my girl, tell her... Let it all out.

 

(Catherine stands and holds Katerina's hand as she beams a bright smile under her teary eyes)

 

CATHERINE Doctor Holloway, I may never be normal as far as Katerina is concerned, but underneath that brash coarseness – lies the wisest and best friend I could ask for. She is born from my severe depression, she was created so that the cross I bare in this life and the one thing that can never be fixed or helped in any way – will somehow be easier to live with, thanks to Katerina. Doctor, here is the source of my struggle. Soon after realizing my attraction to women, I knew. I felt it so very clearly – it all made sense. A glitch in the system and error that was overlooked by the creator. Doctor, I was born in

 

(The sound of a clock alarm buzzes loudly and interrupts Catherine in mid sentence)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  Oh I am sorry Catherine, your time's up. We had a marvelous session this week and made great progress, but have so much more work to do. Shall I schedule you in for next Friday again?

 

 

CURTAIN

 

CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP © 2012 by Skevi Philippou