CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP
CATHERINE,
YOUR TIME'S UP
BY
SKEVI
PHILIPPOU
ACT I SCENE 1
A PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE – TWO WHITE ARM CHAIRS FACE EACHOTHER –
CATHERINE (THE PATIENT) SITS IN ONE AND DOCTOR HOLLOWAY IN THE OTHER – THE AREA
TO THE LEFT OF CATHERINE IS UNLIT AND DARKENED FROM VIEW
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY So Catherine, how
are we feeling today?
CATHERINE Well
um, I'm fine, just fine. I've had a very productive day. Very happy to be on
time for an office meeting this morning at 8.30. Almost didn't make it thanks
to a little someones indecisiveness in choosing what dress to wear - then
insisting on stopping by Starbucks for a tall mocha skinny latte...
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY But Catherine, you are always so prepared and punctual, what caused
these indecisive feelings?
(Light comes on from the darkened area to
the left of CATHERINE to reveal an identical white chair next to hers, with
KATERINA sitting crossed legged in it.)
KATERINA Punctual,
predictable and boring!
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, is that Katerina talking?
CATHERINE Katerina,
yes. You recognize her, good, thats good, I don't want you to think its me
being so brash. You remember that I am Greek, third generation London born. But
fully Greek nevertheless, Katerina, my “alter-ego” as you have called her, came
out last year and has been so frightfully hard to get rid of.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Yes Catherine, remind me, what do you believe caused Katerina to
appear? And why is it so very hard for you to “Banish” Katerina from your life?
KATERINA I'm
here because shes turned into a sulking pussy, thats why, no balls.
CATHERINE Doctor,
I am no longer speaking with Katerina. Shes rude, crude, insensitive,
promiscuous and immoral. I am no longer that person. To answer your question
doctor, she appeared while I was on a trip in Greece for a family wedding.
KATERINA Our
younger cousins wedding, all the children in the family are married and popping
out babies of their own. But you remain on the shelf, an old maid! Even our
lesbian Anna found herself a man and had some twins!
CATHERINE
Don't call her that! Shes never admitted so such a thing. She is merely a
little on the heavy side,a little blocky thats all.
KATERINA Blokey
you mean...
CATHERINE
Just because she has a buzz cut, twelve miscellaneous tattoos and chooses to
dance only to trance music – it does not make her (WHISPERS) gay.
KATERINA Dyke,
dyke, dyke! Why is it so hard to admit? It isn't a bad thing. Still it doesn't
matter to the family, do you know why? Shes married! We turn a blind eye to the
fact that her “husband” is an effeminate hairdresser that shakes his hips
better than Shakira... After all she had children, named them Stavros and Maria
after her parents, mission complete, now she can privately revel in dyke
heaven!
CATHERINE My
fault doctor, my fault... I spoke to her, I should not stoop to her level. She
always brings out the worst in me. But for the record, I have been proposed to,
I respectfully declined; he was not the right man for me.
KATERINA He
was over eighteen and under sixty-five – he had a job, was Greek, a god boy,
still lived with his parents and was willing to get you impregnated, what else
did you want?
CATHERINE
You sound like mother. Thats insane, he needed a caretaker not a partner. I had
to ask him on the first date, was roped into going to Sunday mass with his
mother by the third date and by the fifth date, he graciously presented me with
his soiled underwear to wash for him. I was out of the relationship
right there and then.
KATERINA You
outed yourself a lot sooner than that, thats for sure.
CATHERINE I
am not falling for that bait Doctor. No, I am not.
KATERINA Tell
her!
CATHERINE No
– theres nothing to tell
KATERINA Tell
her – tell her prude one. Tell her who you once were. God, when did you become
such a sleep inducing bore? Remember when you used to have fun? Used to be fun?
Had a personality with humour? Before this perfect plastic Barbie act?! Tell
her, what harm could it do? Shes professionally bound to silence. Go on... Tell
the good doctor about your muff-munching past...
CATHERINE No,
no no, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. See this is what happens when I
talk to you, you get out of control, I wont speak to you, I wont!
KATERINA Stop
acting like a spoiled five year old child. So you should talk to me, theres
nothing better than having a heart to heart with yourself. You are so tightly
closed, so very... Closeted... You have become so distant that I have begun to
hear the voice of my own “alter-ego”, who is equally pissed off with you.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY This banter between you and Katerina... I feel there is something
you want to tell me Catherine – something nagging away at you, that you
want to get out?
(DOCTOR
HOLLOWAY looks beneath her glasses and waits for CATHERINE to react to her
question – which is met by frozen silence.)
Don't be afraid of fear – release your mind –
its perfectly safe.
CATHERINE Well...
firstly understand that I went through a lot of change, since my teen years. I
had very different yet very definite ideas of who I was at different stages of
my life. Back when I was much younger – How it happened was so silly really.
But I somehow got involved with a woman.
KATERINA Several
women...
CATHERINE No,
no, they were just close friends.
KATERINA Friends
with benefits.
CATHERINE Nothing
happened but emotionally we were very close.
KATERINA You
mean you had a special bond?
CATHERINE Yes
thats it.
KATERINA Bullshit
– Who do you think your talking to? You
cant continue to lie to yourself Catherine, you ate more pussy in those years
than all of your “boyfriends” ever have combined.
CATHERINE That
isn't the issue, it also isn't true, but the fact that my preferences and
personal perceptions of who I am change so often isn't easy.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, lets create a time-line to better understand your
changes. Tell me, who was Catherine when she was five years old?
CATHERINE I
was quiet, meek, intelligent but shy. I played alone in my playroom and spent
hours in my imaginary world, I was content.
(KATERINA
watches CATHERINE speak with a sad expression.)
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And who was Catherine at ten years old?
CATHERINE The
chubby child, not so shy anymore, quite aggressive at times, just moving about
day to day without any idea what I wanted from life, only that I wanted to play
video games all day.
KATERINA That
is when our father left.
CATHERINE It
was a very lonely and confusing time.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Clears throat before
she speaks) And at the dawn of adolescence? When
Catherine the child ceased to be, and Catherine with the first adult desires
appeared. Who was Catherine then?
CATHERINE Funnily
enough I had always had... Adult desires... Maybe not in a truly sexual way,
but the idea of sex and sexuality was always very interesting.
KATERINA Tell
her...
CATHERINE
Firstly let me say that I had always had an
interest in boys. However at thirteen, I quite suddenly came to the realization
one day that I... I found women sexually attractive. That I desired women.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you handle that realization?
CATHERINE Quite
well really... I never liked to deny myself anything I wanted.
KATERINA No,
usually others would deny you the pleasure...
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you identify yourself then?
CATHERINE It
was obvious to me, I was a (whispers) lesbian... Although I always
prefered the term, (whispers) gay.
KATERINA And
how Catherine, do you have trouble saying these words? Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual,
trans-sexual, SEX, penis, dick, cock, cun..
CATHERINE STOP
right there Katerina!
(KATERINA
sticks her tongue out and mocks CATHERINE)
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thank you Katerina but I feel its best I ask the questions.
KATERINA I
am only trying to help, believe me I want this resolved more than anyone.
Arguing with her is like trying to catch a dead fish, the baits all out but she
has already chocked on her own waste.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, at the very first stages of adulthood, was the idea of
your sexually that you held in your teen years, still running true in your
twenties?
CATHERINE Well
by the time I was nineteen, I was certain I was bi...bisexual, but there was a
long time before that... Between thirteen and nineteen, that I felt like I was
someone completely different. (CATHERINE PAUSES) I don't want to talk about
this anymore, please lets move on.
KATERINA I
knew you couldn't go through with it! You get so close to releasing your fears
and you stop at the most important part. You suck....
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thats OK Catherine, you did very well today, we can continue this at
a future date.
(CATHERINE
smiles as she sits up straight, with her neatly placed hands side by side on
her lap.)
KATERINA Oh
of course the doctor doesn't mind, shes hoping we will be a life long client,
we are probably funding her children's college tuitions.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Now Katerina, you know that my clients are of first concern to me,
money isn't the object within these walls – helping people is. Katerina, tell me
what you would like to see resolved in the next few sessions?
KATERINA
I would like you to look at me when I speak to you
for one. I feel like the ventriloquist and Catherine is the dummy who everyone
looks at. If her high holiness, Catherine doesn't tell you what she truly wants
to say, then I will.
CATHERINE
Shut up Katerina! Ive really had enough of you,
theres a reason why I suppressed you for so long, you think you're helpful, you
THINK you're smart and know best, but all you know is second hand knowledge of
a person I once was and now have grown out of. You are an out of date, inferior
version of me and I wish you would just shut up and go away.
(KATERINA'S
jaw drops. Offended she sits low on her chair and huffs and sighs. Sitting even
lower on her chair she begins to fan herself and pulls her dress up a little.
CATHERINE starts to look at her as she attempts to speak to DOCTOR HOLLOWAY.
KATERINA mouths silently “Its hot” then she lifts her dress higher and higher,
then too high. CATHERINE gets mad and quickly slaps KATERINA on her thigh. Both
KATERINA and CATHERINE feel the pain and cry out in unison – each holding their
leg.)
KATERINA
You know what? I will NOT shut up. Do you know what
drove you this crazy? Because you ARE crazy Catherine, thats what happens when
people suppress instead of letting GO. Now you're busy hiding in your
meaningless, boring, menial, faceless desk-job. You wear your gray suits to go
with your graying hair, which you tie up tight – because you think the shine of
the hairspray will cover the ever-increasing white hairs.
The office has killed your mind and strangled
your soul - your boss, the fat balding pig, slices away at your dreams every
single minute of your nine hour workday – five days a week. Prisoners get more
intellectual stimulation watching the Open University in their plush cells than
you do stamping documents and handling pointless consumer queries one after the
other. You want to speak out, you want to stand up – point out all of the
fucking bullshit you see five out of seven days in your week. I feel it too,
your pulse increases, your blood boils, your heart palpitates and your mind
speeds and stews with anger and rage but instead of letting it all out, you
simply implode. All that energy, that zest gets sucked in, tighter and further
up your arse until a black hole is formed and sucks your entire being through
its vortex. We both feel it, every time someone says “Oh your such a pretty
girl, why aren't you married yet?” your eyes flutter and your nerves crack
just that little bit more. Then instead of answering with a big FUCK YOU, you
pull me back by the hair and gag me until the moment is lost.
Getting
married isn't everything but that said, it could do you a lot of good... Take a
look at the good doctor here, look closely, shes no prize by any standards.
Shes heavy-set, close eyed and that mole... Look at that mole! But she stepped
up and grabbed life by the balls! Look at that glorious ring on her finger. Any
children doctor?
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Sat with mouth open in shock before answering nervously) Well yes,
two...
KATERINA See
even with that mole she managed to have not one but TWO children. Our
grandmother had a mole like that, do you remember? Big and hairy like a black
grape that had fallen at the back of the fridge and turned into a furry,
shriveled raisin.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY I was advised
against getting it removed, it is quite unnecessary.
KATERINA Oh
no, its necessary, believe me. Anyway enough about you, do you usually waste
patients time analyzing your own neurosis? We need to “fix” Catherine here, let
me list what is wrong with her. Number 1, shes a vegetarian, we all know what
that does to the brain, no meat in her mouth; meat being a euphemism for cock,
leading us to understand she has lesbian tenancies, which is fine as long as
she admits it. Buts its okay I'm fixing that. When Catherine fell asleep on the
sofa, like a baby, I went and made a delicious hot haloumi and beef sandwich.
CATHERINE Oh
my God! You better be joking – you couldn't have done this to me?!
KATERINA Joking?
you should thank me for putting some muscle on that bony “body” of yours.
Always trying to look like an English girl. When are you going to realize that
your fat Mediterranean arse is never going to look like that of Kate Moss in
those impossibly tight CK jeans you've been hoping to fit into for the past two
years.
CATHERINE Is
that why I was sick that day?! Because you fed me meat?! I haven't eaten meat
for sixteen years oh my God!
KATERINA Tut
tut, I'm still speaking, weakling. Number 2, shes indecisive – She usually
blames that on me, but as you can tell by her ability to slip in and out of
sexual orientations or gender identity – which we will leave to a later
session, and I am sure we will have many more sessions. She cant fucking make
up her mind! Number 3, as Catherine mentioned, I had to break out from her
dying personality before it vanished forever, just in time to remind her of
what she already knows deep down inside. That the problem isn't the fact that
every female in our family is getting married – even auntie Androulla got
married this year, and doctor do you know what her Chinese Zodiac sign is?
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY I ugh, wouldn't know
CATHERINE I
think you've said enough Katerina
KATERINA Your
kidding? I'm just getting warmed up. Her Chinese Zodiac sign, Doctor, is a water dog – and believe me thats no
idiom, shes a dog in ever sense of the word. But that isn't the problem, your
not envious at everyone else living happily ever after, while you sit and
ponder your fate! Your problem is that you really don't want to get married –
not to a man at least. But our family – traditional and minimally educated, are
set straight – straight being the operative word here, on life as follows:
Birth – school – marriage – children – grandchildren – bonus points for
great-grandchildren - die. But you, are scared stiff of such an arrangement –
You...
CATHERINE I
am not scared stiff, I just find it a little unnerving, probably because I
haven't met the right person yet.
KATERINA No,
we mustn't fool ourselves, you and I know the truth. You will never be ready
for marriage – unless you are taking a bride. And the feeling that society
doesn't readily except that, enrages you, confuses you and keeps from you
allowing yourself what you really want. Which makes you very grumpy, you should
know that you get into terrible moods.
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Very good Katerina. Catherine how do you believe your family would
take the news of your homosexuality?
CATHERINE I
am not a homosexual, I am a bisexual and I have never had a problem with that.
Theres other issues that are causing my... depression. I don't see a good
outcome of me confessing my private life to my family.
KATERINA I
am not done on listing your faults Catherine – number 4, you have grown a
tendency to stray away from any confrontations or responsibilities. Thats why
you have extracted the fabulous moi. You believe that by creating a
second “Catherine” that all of the things you wished you said and done would be
out in the open for all to witness but none of the responsibility would be
yours. The funny thing is, no one has witnessed me, not one person other than
the Doctor knows that I exist – even more secrets to cram into your already
closeted world. I love you Catherine, and self love is the best kind of
medicine. I challenge you to deny any of what I have said, try it.
CATHERINE Your
right, your absolutely right. I am all these things you said and I confess to
all the faults you have listed. I have become a coward and dull and indecisive.
The cracks did begin to show because of the families constant pressure and I do
need you Katerina, you are my soul. I couldn't imagine continuing without you.
I may be all the things you hate, but I know you love this side of “us”. We are
a perfect balance; I just have to let you speak more often, I see that now. Not
that your kind of language is always appropriate, but sometimes, you know... It
sort of is...
I am ready, now I am ready to open up about
something that I have kept inside of me for fifteen years. What I am about to
say, is the hardest thing in the world for me, but I know now is the time.
KATERINA Thats
my girl, tell her... Let it all out.
(Catherine
stands and holds Katerina's hand as she beams a bright smile under her teary
eyes)
CATHERINE Doctor
Holloway, I may never be normal as far as Katerina is concerned, but underneath
that brash coarseness – lies the wisest and best friend I could ask for. She is
born from my severe depression, she was created so that the cross I bare in
this life and the one thing that can never be fixed or helped in any way – will
somehow be easier to live with, thanks to Katerina. Doctor, here is the source
of my struggle. Soon after realizing my attraction to women, I knew. I felt it
so very clearly – it all made sense. A glitch in the system and error that was
overlooked by the creator. Doctor, I was born in
(The
sound of a clock alarm buzzes loudly and interrupts Catherine in mid sentence)
DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Oh I am sorry
Catherine, your time's up. We had a marvelous session this week and made great
progress, but have so much more work to do. Shall I schedule you in for next
Friday again?
CURTAIN
CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP © 2012 by Skevi Philippou
