A writer in the room - Auditions and Production

A writer in the room, was a short script I wrote back in early 2012.

We liked it enough to want to go forward with production, but sadly, a lack of acting talent kept us from completing the project. Such are the problems we face, when located in such a small island (Cyprus).

Below, you will see some extracts from the play. If anyone has the resources to turn this into a short video, drop me a line. 



A writer in the room © 2012 by Skevi Philippou

A writer in the room

 By

 Skevi Philippou

ACT 1 SCENE 1

The writer is alone in his/her small Spartan studio flat he/she sits alone before a laptop - its screen illuminating his/her face. He/she talks to himself/herself as he/she writes.

            Writer: No, this isn’t right... Where does it mesh together? But on the other hand - should it mesh? My words flow to their own rhythm... I don’t see why I can’t mix it up a bit...I can be fluid and "in the middle"... I am not trying to influence people - to make a point that things are wrong... Or right... but it’s just.... Missing something.... Logic? If there is too much logic then there is not enough heart - if there is too much heart then there is not enough logic! I don’t know where to take this!

            (The writer rests his/her head on the desk and stays silent)

            (A voice can be heard from the shadows of the empty room)

            Malevolent voice: What if you realise that you have nothing to say? That nothing you know is really important...

            Writer: What? Who said that?

            (The room remained silent)

            Writer: Am I going mad?

            Benevolent voice: Don't listen to it - its only trying to confuse you - send you off balance - carry on your path.... You know best...

            Malevolent voice: Yes.... You know best; you feel this isn’t working - why carry on? It won’t come to any use in the real world... Give up and move on...

            Writer: Who the hell is in my room?! Reveal yourselves - I am not afraid - I have nothing of value but my mind and you can’t take that!

            Benevolent voice: Do not fear us; we cannot harm you. It has come to disturb you - I have followed to ensure you ignore its voice.

            Writer: What are you?

            Malevolent voice: I am here to help you.

            Writer: But what are you?

            (Question met with silence)

            Writer: Reveal yourselves to me

            (Two people walk out from opposite darkened corners of the room – ones appearance is powdery and bright and the other is dark and shadowy- the writer looks at them and pulls back in fright)

            Writer: Benevolent?    (The writer looks at the light creature as he speaks)

            (The dark creature responds)

            Benevolent: Yes - I am here

            (The writer looks to the dark creature in surprise)

            Writer: But aren’t you the Malevolent?!

            Benevolent: Things aren’t always, what they seem they should be...

            Malevolent: No, no it lies, I am clearly the benevolent force - see me glow pure? The dark creature lies!

            Benevolent: Only a Malevolent force would choose colour as an indication of character.

            Writer: Your right - that makes sense. But why have you come to me? Or has my mind been taken and you are all just illusions?

            Benevolent: We are what we are. And you are what you are, writer - finish the book.

            Malevolent: Yes, I am here to help you finish - do not write this book - it will only disappoint you - end your efforts; why fight in vain?

            Benevolent: Your words are pure - a new century needs a new codex to follow - Do not give up - civilization needs you.

            Writer: Civilization?! Hey I am just a writer, I am not a prophet - I can't help anyone. I am just writing what I feel.

            Benevolent: Yes, and you feel you need to complete this. You can... All humans have the power to change things - Words are your strongest bond. You feel the injustices in the world... You know you can help people through truth. You have come so far, do no give up now.

            Malevolent: Help people? Help people? Help yourself, leave this insane waste of time and do what makes you truly happy! I know you feel it - this isn’t going to make you rich or famous, because no one will see it – Imagine? A useless bunch of muddled words, no one will ever read! Delete your files and move back to your fiction which gives you joy.

            Writer: It is a little muddled; I've never tried this before... I don’t think it will make sense to anyone but me....

            Benevolent: Don’t say that.... Tell me, what troubles you about it?

            Malevolent: You don't want to discuss it - it’s laughable - you know it is....

            (The writer hesitates and looks at the dark creature)

            Writer: It’s a mess... 400 pages of confused - angry words. But I do feel a sense of accomplishment in expressing my thoughts. I am just so mixed up. Within these digital pages are all that matters to me in this world. Everything that angers me, that disappoints me, that needlessly complicates this world. There is only so much we can take... Sooner or later the injustices become too much to bare. It starts to stir, deep within my core. And it all has to come out somehow. I chose to write them all down. Every day I get up from my bed and, with a blank stare I look out of this small window into the world. A beautiful world, one that can be vast and far away, or very small and closed. In any way I view the world – I see its flaws. Flaws caused by us, humans... With good intent or sinister motives we sometimes cause, complications that leave us short of what we wish our life could be. Most people have no time to be as bitter as I am, they move on with the daily rush of their lives. But I cant let them slide any more. So I document them, and I write about how I feel... That's why it is all such a mess... I  don't think people will take enough time to decipher my accidentally written riddles.

            Malevolent: Well then, somebody needs some rest, far away from all of this... Chaos...

Delete it and rest your soul... Do not become a laughing stock, no one will take you seriously.

            Benevolent: You’re rushing, because you feel so strongly... That’s OK; just take time and separate it in stages. What is the ultimate message of your words?

            Writer: Look, you don't seem to understand. I am just one person, writing what I feel. It isn't life changing, it isn't ground breaking, it isn't world saving. I just feel that if I don't write down my thoughts, they will explode out of me. They burn until I get them out.... It becomes my biggest obsession.

            Malevolent: You are right, you are just a human; just one in 7,096,4390. You’re not wealthy; you’re not influential or powerful. You’re not respected or admired. Why would people care what you feel? No one cares what you write, and no one ever will. Save yourself the embarrassment and shame now.

            Benevolent: There is no embarrassment and no shame in telling the world how you feel - my child, you will find that many share your thoughts and feelings. The quest is not to be a leader, but an inspirer. Give hope not directions. Share your words and allow others to find their own voice.

Malevolent: There is no hope, no inspiring people, who have moved on from this ancient notion of “love thy neighbour” and “Fight the good fight” people have evolved, smartened up, they don’t need you, any “god” or anyone to tell them what to do, or how to live. Everyone already has their own voice; people look after their own and that’s what you should do, stop this torture and start living like every one else does.

Writer: Then you believe that none of this is important?

Malevolent: Precisely, now you see my point. Nothing matters, so why go on torturing yourself? Nothing matters… It is all just an illusion…

Writer: Then why are you trying to stop me?

Malevolent: What?

Writer: You are the negative in this world, you thrive on callousness and detachment; if people continue blindly that suits you just fine. So if this isn’t going to help anyone… Why are you trying to stop me completing it?

Malevolent: Negative? Realistic. Obviously, I am trying to help you. Why put yourself through the pain of disappointment? Of Humiliation?

Writer: Why not go through it? Why not suffer anguish, pain, disappointment and humility? If we don’t – then how would we grow? How would we learn to correct, to better ourselves? If we didn't feel, then  how would we learn to care?

(Benevolent can be seen smiling)

Writer continued: If we give in to our doubts, our fears – we would never accomplish anything worth completing. Perseverance is what gave human kind the understanding, the knowledge to do better, to be better people. Not perfect, we should never be perfect – but awake, understanding and beautifully inquisitive. Fear, being stuck in ignorance of uncaring, unthinking, unfeeling, unmoved – unimaginable hatred, unjustified rage against each other. That is truly humiliating. And we should never close our eyes to that again.

Malevolent: You are obviously tired and aren’t thinking straight. Rest, go to sleep, close your eyes…

Benevolent: No, their eyes are open.

Writer: Let me be, leave now… I have a book to finish.

CURTAIN

A writer in the room © 2012 by Skevi Philippou

So you want to make a short film?

Short movie making

 

 

 

Oh my... As the precious George Takei famously exclaims.

 

Getting friends and family together for a short movie sounded like a good idea...

After all, how hard could it be? With all this advanced technology at our fingertips - heck, people even create documentaries on their I-phones. And if you're snazzy enough to come up with a great looking idea - funding isn't a problem either.

 

Getting it together: The problem might begin at organising. If your not a bum and you actually found a 9-5 then prepare thy self for sleepless nights and wishing for perfect weather conditions for a weekend shoot! If your shooting exclusively indoors - you might want to lock the kitties away.

 



 

Prepare to all "Good-Bad-Ugly" on your friends:

 

We start out good, then things go bad... and it sure ends ugly

 

For those of you who have seen the movie and remember the final fight scene (where the trio have a stand-off for the money) - you might want to prepare yourselves for a similar experience during the film making process. Friends will become dictators and friendships will become rivalries, as you battle it out to put things together. Visions will clash and team mates will battle it out to the bitter end... Well maybe I am exaggerating just a tad... But when you haven't slept in four days - you do start to hallucinate a bit.

 

Editing - the boiler room of movie making: We will not get into many details - other than editing takes longer than the entire process of brain-storming, storyboard creating, preparation and shooting. Plus if your a bunch of total noobs - there is only so much you can do for yourselves. Sure there are great software's out there for everything from effects, to music and chopping.

* A word of warning, chopping can be fun but may lead to your film becoming a Frankenstein's monster of unrelated parts. Then again that hasn't stopped others making money.

 

If time is of the essence then I would hire someone off Odesk and get it done with!

 

So you have some shiny new disks? Now what?: Now comes the fun part - (By fun I mean nerve-rackingly anxious) You've done your research on where to submit your short- come on I know its the first thing you did. You went and googled all free short film submissions and built a list as big as your eyes became when you saw your name on the directors chair you had custom printed. 

 

Next you furiously submit your new short to anyone who will accept it until the Internet gives up on you and blacklists you as a spammer. (Yes I know thats not really possible - cause I've tried!)

 

Let's recount all the steps (Because lets face it, this generation has ADHD)

Excitement - Suicidal work run - Verbal western shootout with buddies - Hermit style editing undress pressure - Sudden relief followed by anxiety with a sense of fulfillment and self doubt.

 

So what should you have in the end of all this?

 

A very interesting experience, your name in the credits, a short movie worthy of attention and possibly some groupies.

 

Why are you hesitating? Who wouldn't want to make a short?!

 

Skevi

 

 

 

Follow Skevi on Twitter: https://twitter.com/SkeviSuperSkevi

 

 

 

 

 



12.12.12

12 12 12 is soo cute.. And at 12.12.12 -12.12pm I will eat a DONUT

Superstitions... In a way.... Play their roll in helping the creative mind lead a fabulous fantasy adventure - brought on by fear...

How do I respond when people ask me if I am superstitious?
"Well I wouldn't say that I am superstitious... Because it might be bad luck!"

It isn't so much that I believe something bad will happen if I don't follow "The rules" of a certain superstition... For me, (probably) it's more about upholding certain traditions that have been instilled within me, thanks to previous generations of zombies. Confused? Yes, so am I... But what I mean is... It is easy to break out, or become disenchanted with a certain religious or spiritual belief - but quite hard to shake lose the traditions and rituals that accompany it (no matter how absurd they may be).

For the spiritually challenged and non-believers - it is either OCD that associates bad events with a previous act they did or did not perform - or a liking to creative aspects that a certain superstition holds...

Let’s examine a few popular superstitions, shall we?

Personally I don’t believe that having a black cat cross your path is bad luck... Mostly because I love kitties...

Awwwwww ♥

For people who do believe that walking under a ladder is bad luck...
and I quote:

"Walking under a ladder has long been regarded a bad luck, but why? Some believe that in the medieval times, a leaning ladder was thought to resemble a gallows, so if you walked under a ladder you were guaranteeing your own death by hanging. Another, possibly more likely solution is that the shape formed by a leaning ladder is a triangle, and the triangle is the symbol of the Holy Trinity. Therefore, by walking through the triangle, you are violating and desecrating God."

Again... Not scared of ladders for any other reason than a clumsy workman/woman dropping heavy tools on my head! On second thoughts, that might not be that bad if I survive and sue them for millions!

Not scary at all...

Let's go into some of my local traditions... I am a Greek-Cypriot, and here in Cyprus we have traditions and rituals that date back thousands of years.

We also have ancient donkeys....

One of my favourites is the "Evil eye" this one dates back to ancient times and can be found over many cultures. The story goes if someone is envious of jealous of you or something you have that they don't; you will fall ill, or have something terrible happen to you, like this:

Only in traditional Cypriot clothing

You can protect yourself from the evil eye with one of these

Here's looking at you, kid

Think you/your propety/kids/pets/family have been afflicted by the evil eye? Click on this link for the cure!


Little dark entities...

Another hilariously funny superstition in Cyprus has to do with little troll beings called Kallikantzaroi

"During the Greek Orthodox epiphany celebrations when Lokmades (doughnuts) are prepared, it’s traditional to toss the first one from the frying pan onto the roof of the house. The reason for this is to appease any evil spirits who may be skulking around the home."

Or you can simply hit him over the head with the frying pan *I'm not an advocate for violence (excepct when used to defend humanity against trolls)

But let's not just focus on the negative! How about superstitions for good luck? (Also known as the boring ones)

Heres a list:

Good luck superstitions

- If your right hand itches, you will earn money.
- If you find a four-leaf clover, you will have good luck.
- If you see a horseshoe which was lost, you will have good luck.
- If you throw rice on a new bride and groom, they will have so many children.
- If you dream about a white cat, you will have good luck.
- If you see a black cat which walks towards you, it brings you good luck.
- If your right ear itches, someone is speaking well of you.
- You can hang up garlic in your house for good luck.
- If you put a mirror just across the door, you will have good luck.
- If you put the sugar into the cup first, before the tea, you will have good luck.
- If you step on your shadow, it brings you good luck.
- If you catch a falling leaf on the first day of autumn, you will have good luck all winter.
- If you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake in one blow, you will get whatever you want.
- If the first butterfly you see in the year is white, it brings you good luck all year.
- If a girl drinks salty water then goes to sleep, she will see her future husband in her dream.

So you see colourful word of superstitions still holds its iron grip over many of us 21st century space cadets...

So I leave you with this...

There is no one who can predict the end; there is no one who can save you from making stupid mistakes - such as locking yourself in a bunker and chanting hare krishna until the radioactive cows come home.

People talk, situations escalate and rumours get out of hand. There are trolls all over the world who like nothing better than to instil fear, panic and misery in the hearts of good people. Don't let them wrangle you into their webs of deceit and false prophecies.

Carry on with your lives and remember, you are a person just like every other over the millennia. You don’t have super power and neither did they.

What society does now, society did then... Only without lolcats and rage comics (how did they make it through their days?!).

Now get back to work/studying! Or the powers will get angry and punish you. (With bad grades/pink slips).

Skevi

The life project

My name is Skevi, and I am a writer.

As in every creators life - projects come and go. And I am always working on at least two projects at any time. Scripts are a new venture for me and so far, a very exciting one!

The purpose of this blog is to showcase some samples of my work and hopefully influence others to start penning (or typing) away at their own very first script!

Don't look at the screen with such doubtfulness! Any age, any level of education, any style - if you feel you have it in you, release it to the word!

My life project is to create... Anything that crosses my mind and engulfs my soul with such great passion - I have just GOT to get it out! Movies, books, novels, scripts, plays, artworks, sculpture and so much more...

There is only so much time anyone has to create and complete their inspirations and dreams  - so I am here to tell you... Don't let anything or anyone try to stop you, or put you off your ideas.

One of my favourite quotes on Perseverance

"Saints are sinners who kept on going."

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

 

Well I am sure that you can all agree with me...  We are all some pretty constant sinners...

 

So let it be said - if your passion is beckoning, and the ideas start ringing answer their call...

A writer in the room

           

A writer in the room © 2012 by Skevi Philippou

 

 

 

 

A writer in the room

 By

 Skevi Philippou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 1 SCENE 1

 

 

The writer is alone in his/her small Spartan studio flat he/she sits alone before a laptop - its screen illuminating his/her face. He/she talks to himself/herself as he/she writes.

 

            Writer: No, this isn’t right... Where does it mesh together? But on the other hand - should it mesh? My words flow to their own rhythm... I don’t see why I can’t mix it up a bit...I can be fluid and "in the middle"... I am not trying to influence people - to make a point that things are wrong... Or right... but it’s just.... Missing something.... Logic? If there is too much logic then there is not enough heart - if there is too much heart then there is not enough logic! I don’t know where to take this!

            (The writer rests his/her head on the desk and stays silent)

 

            (A voice can be heard from the shadows of the empty room)

 

            Malevolent voice: What if you realise that you have nothing to say? That nothing you know is really important...

 

            Writer: What? Who said that?

 

            (The room remained silent)

 

            Writer: Am I going mad?

 

            Benevolent voice: Don't listen to it - its only trying to confuse you - send you off balance - carry on your path.... You know best...

 

            Malevolent voice: Yes.... You know best; you feel this isn’t working - why carry on? It won’t come to any use in the real world... Give up and move on...

 

            Writer: Who the hell is in my room?! Reveal yourselves - I am not afraid - I have nothing of value but my mind and you can’t take that!

 

            Benevolent voice: Do not fear us; we cannot harm you. It has come to disturb you - I have followed to ensure you ignore its voice.

 

            Writer: What are you?

 

            Malevolent voice: I am here to help you.

 

            Writer: But what are you?

 

            (Question met with silence)

 

            Writer: Reveal yourselves to me

 

 

            (Two people walk out from opposite darkened corners of the room – ones appearance is powdery and bright and the other is dark and shadowy- the writer looks at them and pulls back in fright)

 

            Writer: Benevolent?    (The writer looks at the light creature as he speaks)

 

            (The dark creature responds)

 

            Benevolent: Yes - I am here

 

            (The writer looks to the dark creature in surprise)

 

            Writer: But aren’t you the Malevolent?!

 

            Benevolent: Things aren’t always, what they seem they should be...

 

            Malevolent: No, no it lies, I am clearly the benevolent force - see me glow pure? The dark creature lies!

 

            Benevolent: Only a Malevolent force would choose colour as an indication of character.

 

            Writer: Your right - that makes sense. But why have you come to me? Or has my mind been taken and you are all just illusions?

 

            Benevolent: We are what we are. And you are what you are, writer - finish the book.

 

            Malevolent: Yes, I am here to help you finish - do not write this book - it will only disappoint you - end your efforts; why fight in vain?

 

            Benevolent: Your words are pure - a new century needs a new codex to follow - Do not give up - civilization needs you.

 

            Writer: Civilization?! Hey I am just a writer, I am not a prophet - I cannot help anyone. I am just writing what I feel.

 

            Benevolent: Yes, and you feel you need to complete this. You can... All humans have the power to change things - Words are your strongest bond. You feel the injustices in the world... You know you can help people through truth. You have come so far, do no give up now.

 

            Malevolent: Help people? Help people? Help yourself, leave this insane waste of time and do what makes you truly happy! I know you feel it - this isn’t going to make you rich or famous, because no one will see it – Imagine? A useless bunch of muddled words, no one will ever read! Delete your files and move back to your fiction which gives you joy.

 

            Writer: It is a little muddled; I’ve never tried this before... I don’t think it will make sense to anyone but me....

 

            Benevolent: Don’t say that.... Tell me, what troubles you about it?

 

            Malevolent: You don't want to discuss it - it’s laughable - you know it is....

 

            (The writer hesitates and looks at the dark creature)

 

            Writer: It’s a mess... 400 pages of confused - angry words. But I do feel a sense of accomplishment in expressing my thoughts. I am just so mixed up. Within these digital pages are all that matters to me in this world. Everything that angers me, that disappoints me, that needlessly complicates this world. There is only so much we can take... Sooner or later the injustices become too much to bare. It starts to stir, deep within my core. And it all has to come out somehow. I chose to write them all down. Every day I get up from my bed and, with a blank stare I look out of this small window into the world. A beautiful world, one that can be vast and far away, or very small and closed. In any way I view the world – I see its flaws. Flaws caused by us, humans... With good intent or sinister motives we sometimes cause, complications that leave us short of what we wish our life could be. Most people have no time to be as bitter as I am, they move on with the daily rush of their lives. But I cant let them slide any more. So I document them, and I write about how I feel... That's why it is all such a mess... I  don't think people will take enough time to decipher my accidentally written riddles.

 

            Malevolent: Well then, somebody needs some rest, far away from all of this... Chaos...

Delete it and rest your soul... Do not become a laughing stock, no one will take you seriously.

 

            Benevolent: You’re rushing, because you feel so strongly... That’s OK; just take time and separate it in stages. What is the ultimate message of your words?

 

            Writer: Look, you don't seem to understand. I am just one person, writing what I feel. It isn't life changing, it isn't ground breaking, it isn't world saving. I just feel that if I don't write down my thoughts, they will explode out of me. They burn until I get them out.... It becomes my biggest obsession.

 

            Malevolent: You are right, you are just a human; just one in 7,096,4390. You’re not wealthy; you’re not influential or powerful. You’re not respected or admired. Why would people care what you feel? No one cares what you write, and no one ever will. Save yourself the embarrassment and shame now.

 

            Benevolent: There is no embarrassment and no shame in telling the world how you feel - my child, you will find that many share your thoughts and feelings. The quest is not to be a leader, but an inspirer. Give hope not directions. Share your words and allow others to find their own voice.

 

Malevolent: There is no hope, no inspiring people, who have moved on from this ancient notion of “love thy neighbour” and “Fight the good fight” people have evolved, smartened up, they don’t need you, any “god” or anyone to tell them what to do, or how to live. Everyone already has their own voice; people look after their own and that’s what you should do, stop this torture and start living like every one else does.

 

Writer: Then you believe that none of this is important?

 

Malevolent: Precisely, now you see my point. Nothing matters, so why go on torturing yourself? Nothing matters… It is all just an illusion…

 

Writer: Then why are you trying to stop me?

 

Malevolent: What?

 

Writer: You are the negative in this world, you thrive on callousness and detachment; if people continue blindly that suits you just fine. So if this isn’t going to help anyone… Why are you trying to stop me completing it?

 

Malevolent: Negative? Realistic. Obviously, I am trying to help you. Why put yourself through the pain of disappointment? Of Humiliation?

 

Writer: Why not go through it? Why not suffer anguish, pain, disappointment and humility? If we don’t – then how would we grow? How would we learn to correct, to better ourselves? If we didn't feel, then  how would we learn to care?

 

(Benevolent can be seen smiling)

 

Writer continued: If we give in to our doubts, our fears – we would never accomplish anything worth completing. Perseverance is what gave human kind the understanding, the knowledge to do better, to be better people. Not perfect, we should never be perfect – but awake, understanding and beautifully inquisitive. Fear, being stuck in ignorance of uncaring, unthinking, unfeeling, unmoved – unimaginable hatred, unjustified rage against each other. That is truly humiliating. And we should never close our eyes to that again.

 

Malevolent: You are obviously tired and aren’t thinking straight. Rest, go to sleep, close your eyes…

 

Benevolent: No, their eyes are open.

 

Writer: Let me be, leave now… I have a book to finish.

 

 

 

CURTAIN

 

 

A writer in the room © 2012 by Skevi Philippou

 

 

 

Catherine, Your time's up

 CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP

 

CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP 

BY

SKEVI PHILIPPOU

 

ACT I      SCENE 1

 

A PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE – TWO WHITE ARM CHAIRS FACE EACHOTHER – CATHERINE (THE PATIENT) SITS IN ONE AND DOCTOR HOLLOWAY IN THE OTHER – THE AREA TO THE LEFT OF CATHERINE IS UNLIT AND DARKENED FROM VIEW

 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  So Catherine, how are we feeling today?

 

CATHERINE Well um, I'm fine, just fine. I've had a very productive day. Very happy to be on time for an office meeting this morning at 8.30. Almost didn't make it thanks to a little someones indecisiveness in choosing what dress to wear - then insisting on stopping by Starbucks for a tall mocha skinny latte...

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY But Catherine, you are always so prepared and punctual, what caused these indecisive feelings?

 

(Light comes on from the darkened area to the left of CATHERINE to reveal an identical white chair next to hers, with KATERINA sitting crossed legged in it.)

 

KATERINA Punctual, predictable and boring!

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, is that Katerina talking?

 

CATHERINE Katerina, yes. You recognize her, good, thats good, I don't want you to think its me being so brash. You remember that I am Greek, third generation London born. But fully Greek nevertheless, Katerina, my “alter-ego” as you have called her, came out last year and has been so frightfully hard to get rid of.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Yes Catherine, remind me, what do you believe caused Katerina to appear? And why is it so very hard for you to “Banish” Katerina from your life?

 

KATERINA I'm here because shes turned into a sulking pussy, thats why, no balls.

 

CATHERINE Doctor, I am no longer speaking with Katerina. Shes rude, crude, insensitive, promiscuous and immoral. I am no longer that person. To answer your question doctor, she appeared while I was on a trip in Greece for a family wedding.

 

KATERINA Our younger cousins wedding, all the children in the family are married and popping out babies of their own. But you remain on the shelf, an old maid! Even our lesbian Anna found herself a man and had some twins!

 

CATHERINE Don't call her that! Shes never admitted so such a thing. She is merely a little on the heavy side,a little blocky thats all. 

KATERINA Blokey you mean...

 

CATHERINE Just because she has a buzz cut, twelve miscellaneous tattoos and chooses to dance only to trance music – it does not make her (WHISPERS) gay.

 

KATERINA Dyke, dyke, dyke! Why is it so hard to admit? It isn't a bad thing. Still it doesn't matter to the family, do you know why? Shes married! We turn a blind eye to the fact that her “husband” is an effeminate hairdresser that shakes his hips better than Shakira... After all she had children, named them Stavros and Maria after her parents, mission complete, now she can privately revel in dyke heaven!

 

CATHERINE My fault doctor, my fault... I spoke to her, I should not stoop to her level. She always brings out the worst in me. But for the record, I have been proposed to, I respectfully declined; he was not the right man for me.

 

KATERINA He was over eighteen and under sixty-five – he had a job, was Greek, a god boy, still lived with his parents and was willing to get you impregnated, what else did you want?

 

CATHERINE You sound like mother. Thats insane, he needed a caretaker not a partner. I had to ask him on the first date, was roped into going to Sunday mass with his mother by the third date and by the fifth date, he graciously presented me with his soiled underwear to wash for him. I was out of the relationship right there and then.

 

KATERINA You outed yourself a lot sooner than that, thats for sure.

 

CATHERINE I am not falling for that bait Doctor. No, I am not.

 

KATERINA Tell her!

 

CATHERINE No – theres nothing to tell

 

KATERINA Tell her – tell her prude one. Tell her who you once were. God, when did you become such a sleep inducing bore? Remember when you used to have fun? Used to be fun? Had a personality with humour? Before this perfect plastic Barbie act?! Tell her, what harm could it do? Shes professionally bound to silence. Go on... Tell the good doctor about your muff-munching past...

 

CATHERINE No, no no, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. See this is what happens when I talk to you, you get out of control, I wont speak to you, I wont!

 

KATERINA Stop acting like a spoiled five year old child. So you should talk to me, theres nothing better than having a heart to heart with yourself. You are so tightly closed, so very... Closeted... You have become so distant that I have begun to hear the voice of my own “alter-ego”, who is equally pissed off with you.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY This banter between you and Katerina... I feel there is something you want to tell me Catherine – something nagging away at you, that you want  to get out?

(DOCTOR HOLLOWAY looks beneath her glasses and waits for CATHERINE to react to her question – which is met by frozen silence.)

 

 Don't be afraid of fear – release your mind – its perfectly safe.

 

CATHERINE Well... firstly understand that I went through a lot of change, since my teen years. I had very different yet very definite ideas of who I was at different stages of my life. Back when I was much younger – How it happened was so silly really. But I somehow got involved with a woman.

 

KATERINA Several women...

 

CATHERINE No, no, they were just close friends.

 

KATERINA Friends with benefits.

 

CATHERINE Nothing happened but emotionally we were very close.

 

KATERINA You mean you had a special bond?

 

CATHERINE Yes thats it.

 

KATERINA Bullshit –  Who do you think your talking to? You cant continue to lie to yourself Catherine, you ate more pussy in those years than all of your “boyfriends” ever have combined.

 

CATHERINE That isn't the issue, it also isn't true, but the fact that my preferences and personal perceptions of who I am change so often isn't easy.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, lets create a time-line to better understand your changes. Tell me, who was Catherine when she was five years old?

 

CATHERINE I was quiet, meek, intelligent but shy. I played alone in my playroom and spent hours in my imaginary world, I was content.

 

 

(KATERINA watches CATHERINE speak with a sad expression.)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And who was Catherine at ten years old?

 

CATHERINE The chubby child, not so shy anymore, quite aggressive at times, just moving about day to day without any idea what I wanted from life, only that I wanted to play video games all day.

 

KATERINA That is when our father left.

 

CATHERINE It was a very lonely and confusing time.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Clears throat before she speaks) And at the dawn of adolescence? When Catherine the child ceased to be, and Catherine with the first adult desires appeared. Who was Catherine then?

 

CATHERINE Funnily enough I had always had... Adult desires... Maybe not in a truly sexual way, but the idea of sex and sexuality was always very interesting.

 

KATERINA Tell her...

CATHERINE Firstly let me say that I had always had an interest in boys. However at thirteen, I quite suddenly came to the realization one day that I... I found women sexually attractive. That I desired women.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you handle that realization?

 

CATHERINE Quite well really... I never liked to deny myself anything I wanted.

 

KATERINA No, usually others would deny you the pleasure...

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY And how did you identify yourself then?

 

CATHERINE It was obvious to me, I was a (whispers) lesbian... Although I always prefered the term, (whispers) gay.

 

KATERINA And how Catherine, do you have trouble saying these words? Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual, SEX, penis, dick, cock, cun..

 

CATHERINE STOP right there Katerina!

 

(KATERINA sticks her tongue out and mocks CATHERINE)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thank you Katerina but I feel its best I ask the questions.

 

KATERINA I am only trying to help, believe me I want this resolved more than anyone. Arguing with her is like trying to catch a dead fish, the baits all out but she has already chocked on her own waste. 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Catherine, at the very first stages of adulthood, was the idea of your sexually that you held in your teen years, still running true in your twenties?

 

CATHERINE Well by the time I was nineteen, I was certain I was bi...bisexual, but there was a long time before that... Between thirteen and nineteen, that I felt like I was someone completely different. (CATHERINE PAUSES) I don't want to talk about this anymore, please lets move on.

 

KATERINA I knew you couldn't go through with it! You get so close to releasing your fears and you stop at the most important part. You suck....

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Thats OK Catherine, you did very well today, we can continue this at a future date.

 

(CATHERINE smiles as she sits up straight, with her neatly placed hands side by side on her lap.)

 

KATERINA Oh of course the doctor doesn't mind, shes hoping we will be a life long client, we are probably funding her children's college tuitions.

 

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Now Katerina, you know that my clients are of first concern to me, money isn't the object within these walls – helping people is. Katerina, tell me what you would like to see resolved in the next few sessions?

KATERINA I would like you to look at me when I speak to you for one. I feel like the ventriloquist and Catherine is the dummy who everyone looks at. If her high holiness, Catherine doesn't tell you what she truly wants to say, then I will.

 

CATHERINE Shut up Katerina! Ive really had enough of you, theres a reason why I suppressed you for so long, you think you're helpful, you THINK you're smart and know best, but all you know is second hand knowledge of a person I once was and now have grown out of. You are an out of date, inferior version of me and I wish you would just shut up and go away.

 

(KATERINA'S jaw drops. Offended she sits low on her chair and huffs and sighs. Sitting even lower on her chair she begins to fan herself and pulls her dress up a little. CATHERINE starts to look at her as she attempts to speak to DOCTOR HOLLOWAY. KATERINA mouths silently “Its hot” then she lifts her dress higher and higher, then too high. CATHERINE gets mad and quickly slaps KATERINA on her thigh. Both KATERINA and CATHERINE feel the pain and cry out in unison – each holding their leg.)

 

KATERINA You know what? I will NOT shut up. Do you know what drove you this crazy? Because you ARE crazy Catherine, thats what happens when people suppress instead of letting GO. Now you're busy hiding in your meaningless, boring, menial, faceless desk-job. You wear your gray suits to go with your graying hair, which you tie up tight – because you think the shine of the hairspray will cover the ever-increasing white hairs.

  The office has killed your mind and strangled your soul - your boss, the fat balding pig, slices away at your dreams every single minute of your nine hour workday – five days a week. Prisoners get more intellectual stimulation watching the Open University in their plush cells than you do stamping documents and handling pointless consumer queries one after the other. You want to speak out, you want to stand up – point out all of the fucking bullshit you see five out of seven days in your week. I feel it too, your pulse increases, your blood boils, your heart palpitates and your mind speeds and stews with anger and rage but instead of letting it all out, you simply implode. All that energy, that zest gets sucked in, tighter and further up your arse until a black hole is formed and sucks your entire being through its vortex. We both feel it, every time someone says “Oh your such a pretty girl, why aren't you married yet?” your eyes flutter and your nerves crack just that little bit more. Then instead of answering with a big FUCK YOU, you pull me back by the hair and gag me until the moment is lost.

Getting married isn't everything but that said, it could do you a lot of good... Take a look at the good doctor here, look closely, shes no prize by any standards. Shes heavy-set, close eyed and that mole... Look at that mole! But she stepped up and grabbed life by the balls! Look at that glorious ring on her finger. Any children doctor?

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY (Sat with mouth open in shock before answering nervously) Well yes, two...

 

KATERINA See even with that mole she managed to have not one but TWO children. Our grandmother had a mole like that, do you remember? Big and hairy like a black grape that had fallen at the back of the fridge and turned into a furry, shriveled raisin.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  I was advised against getting it removed, it is quite unnecessary.

 

KATERINA Oh no, its necessary, believe me. Anyway enough about you, do you usually waste patients time analyzing your own neurosis? We need to “fix” Catherine here, let me list what is wrong with her. Number 1, shes a vegetarian, we all know what that does to the brain, no meat in her mouth; meat being a euphemism for cock, leading us to understand she has lesbian tenancies, which is fine as long as she admits it. Buts its okay I'm fixing that. When Catherine fell asleep on the sofa, like a baby, I went and made a delicious hot haloumi and beef sandwich.

 

CATHERINE Oh my God! You better be joking – you couldn't have done this to me?!

 

KATERINA Joking? you should thank me for putting some muscle on that bony “body” of yours. Always trying to look like an English girl. When are you going to realize that your fat Mediterranean arse is never going to look like that of Kate Moss in those impossibly tight CK jeans you've been hoping to fit into for the past two years.

 

CATHERINE Is that why I was sick that day?! Because you fed me meat?! I haven't eaten meat for sixteen years oh my God!

 

KATERINA Tut tut, I'm still speaking, weakling. Number 2, shes indecisive – She usually blames that on me, but as you can tell by her ability to slip in and out of sexual orientations or gender identity – which we will leave to a later session, and I am sure we will have many more sessions. She cant fucking make up her mind! Number 3, as Catherine mentioned, I had to break out from her dying personality before it vanished forever, just in time to remind her of what she already knows deep down inside. That the problem isn't the fact that every female in our family is getting married – even auntie Androulla got married this year, and doctor do you know what her Chinese Zodiac sign is?

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY I ugh, wouldn't know

 

CATHERINE I think you've said enough Katerina

 

KATERINA Your kidding? I'm just getting warmed up. Her Chinese Zodiac sign, Doctor,  is a water dog – and believe me thats no idiom, shes a dog in ever sense of the word. But that isn't the problem, your not envious at everyone else living happily ever after, while you sit and ponder your fate! Your problem is that you really don't want to get married – not to a man at least. But our family – traditional and minimally educated, are set straight – straight being the operative word here, on life as follows: Birth – school – marriage – children – grandchildren – bonus points for great-grandchildren - die. But you, are scared stiff of such an arrangement – You...

 

CATHERINE I am not scared stiff, I just find it a little unnerving, probably because I haven't met the right person yet.

 

KATERINA No, we mustn't fool ourselves, you and I know the truth. You will never be ready for marriage – unless you are taking a bride. And the feeling that society doesn't readily except that, enrages you, confuses you and keeps from you allowing yourself what you really want. Which makes you very grumpy, you should know that you get into terrible moods.

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY Very good Katerina. Catherine how do you believe your family would take the news of your homosexuality?

 

CATHERINE I am not a homosexual, I am a bisexual and I have never had a problem with that. Theres other issues that are causing my... depression. I don't see a good outcome of me confessing my private life to my family.

 

KATERINA I am not done on listing your faults Catherine – number 4, you have grown a tendency to stray away from any confrontations or responsibilities. Thats why you have extracted the fabulous moi. You believe that by creating a second “Catherine” that all of the things you wished you said and done would be out in the open for all to witness but none of the responsibility would be yours. The funny thing is, no one has witnessed me, not one person other than the Doctor knows that I exist – even more secrets to cram into your already closeted world. I love you Catherine, and self love is the best kind of medicine. I challenge you to deny any of what I have said, try it. 

 

CATHERINE Your right, your absolutely right. I am all these things you said and I confess to all the faults you have listed. I have become a coward and dull and indecisive. The cracks did begin to show because of the families constant pressure and I do need you Katerina, you are my soul. I couldn't imagine continuing without you. I may be all the things you hate, but I know you love this side of “us”. We are a perfect balance; I just have to let you speak more often, I see that now. Not that your kind of language is always appropriate, but sometimes, you know... It sort of is...

I am ready, now I am ready to open up about something that I have kept inside of me for fifteen years. What I am about to say, is the hardest thing in the world for me, but I know now is the time.

 

KATERINA Thats my girl, tell her... Let it all out.

 

(Catherine stands and holds Katerina's hand as she beams a bright smile under her teary eyes)

 

CATHERINE Doctor Holloway, I may never be normal as far as Katerina is concerned, but underneath that brash coarseness – lies the wisest and best friend I could ask for. She is born from my severe depression, she was created so that the cross I bare in this life and the one thing that can never be fixed or helped in any way – will somehow be easier to live with, thanks to Katerina. Doctor, here is the source of my struggle. Soon after realizing my attraction to women, I knew. I felt it so very clearly – it all made sense. A glitch in the system and error that was overlooked by the creator. Doctor, I was born in

 

(The sound of a clock alarm buzzes loudly and interrupts Catherine in mid sentence)

 

DOCTOR HOLLOWAY  Oh I am sorry Catherine, your time's up. We had a marvelous session this week and made great progress, but have so much more work to do. Shall I schedule you in for next Friday again?

 

 

CURTAIN

 

CATHERINE, YOUR TIME'S UP © 2012 by Skevi Philippou